In the hallowed halls of the Presidential Villa, another National Economic Council (NEC) meeting has come and gone.
Vice President Kashim Shettima’s call for a “formidable alliance” to end poverty sounds nice, doesn’t it? “We must strive to create an environment where every Nigerian has the opportunity to thrive,” he says.
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room – or should I say, the billionaires in the room. Bill Gates and Aliko Dangote graced us with their presence, showered with praise for their philanthropy. Don’t get me wrong, their contributions are commendable. But when did we become a nation so dependent on the goodwill of billionaires and private sector handouts?
The vice president acknowledges that the problems inherited by the Tinubu administration can’t be solved overnight. Fair enough.
Now, let’s dissect some of the decisions made at this grand meeting of minds. The council gave the green light for implementing recommendations on flood, erosion, drought, and desertification. Fantastic! But wait, didn’t we already have agencies responsible for these issues? What’s been happening all this time? Creating new committees and councils seems to be our national pastime. I can already see the fresh nameplates being engraved for the National Flood, Erosion, Drought, and Desertification Management Council. Another layer of bureaucracy is just what we needed, right?
Speaking of bureaucracy, the push for state police is still crawling along at a snail’s pace. Only four states haven’t submitted their memoranda? I’m shocked – shocked, I tell you – that our ever-efficient state governments are dragging their feet on such a critical issue. The council’s “final call” feels more like a parent half-heartedly telling their teenager to clean their room. I won’t hold my breath waiting for Monday’s deadline to be met.
Let’s not forget the nutritional crisis facing our nation. The council’s resolution to prioritise nutrition interventions in the 2025 budget is commendable. But 2025? What about now? Our children are hungry today. They’re stunted today. By 2025, we might be facing a lost generation. But at least we’ll have a well-funded committee to study the problem.
The financial update provided by the accountant-general is always a highlight of these meetings. The Excess Crude Account stands at a whopping $473,754.57. That’s right – our national piggy bank wouldn’t even buy a modest home in Lagos. But fear not, we have over N3 billion in our Natural Resources Fund. I’m sure that’ll cover all our infrastructural needs and social programmes. Who needs sustainable economic policies when you have pocket change?
Lastly, the formation of a committee to eradicate vaccine-derived poliovirus is a reminder of our healthcare challenges. It’s 2024, and we’re still battling diseases that much of the world has long forgotten. But don’t worry – we’ve got Sanother committee on the case. I’m sure they’ll report monthly to NEC, and we’ll all sleep better knowing that reports are being filed somewhere.
Also just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, Nigeria finds itself in the throes of yet another fuel crisis. It’s as predictable as the rainy season, but far less welcome. Vice President Shettima, playing the role of firefighter-in-chief while President Tinubu is off in China, has summoned the usual suspects to Aso Rock for what I’m sure was a riveting meeting about the same old problem.
The minister of state for petroleum, Heineken Lokpobiri emerged from this high-level pow-wow to assure us all that everything is under control. Where have we heard that before? Oh, right – every single time we’ve had a fuel crisis in the past few decades.
Lokpobiri, with all the conviction of a man trying to sell ice to Eskimos, tells us that the NNPC has “sufficient fuel supplies to meet national demand.” Well, isn’t that a relief? I suppose all those queues at petrol stations across the country are just Nigerians engaging in their new favourite pastime – waiting in line for fun.
But wait, there’s more! The minister urges us to remain calm because increased availability will foster competition and drive down prices. I’m sorry, but have we entered an alternate universe where the basic laws of economics suddenly apply to Nigeria’s fuel sector? The last time I checked, “increased availability” in Nigeria usually means more fuel for the black market, not lower prices at the pump.
And here’s the kicker – the government, we’re told, is not responsible for recent hikes in fuel costs. Of course not! It’s probably the fault of those pesky market forces that seem to work everywhere else in the world except Nigeria. Or maybe it’s the alignment of the stars. Who knows?
The executive director at Nigeria Mainstream, Downstream Petroleum Regulatory Authority, Mugo Kalu Okuoha, assures us that “all regulatory efforts are now geared towards stabilising supply.” I’m not sure what they were geared towards before, but I’m glad they’ve finally decided to do their job.
Okuoha goes on to promise increased operating hours at loading depots, prompt vessel clearance and extended hours for truck outs. It’s almost as if these are novel ideas that no one has ever thought of before. Who knew that working longer hours might help solve a supply problem? Groundbreaking stuff, truly.
And let’s not forget the pièce de résistance – the reinforcement of support for local refineries. Because nothing says “energy independence” quite like refineries that have been in various states of disrepair for years. I’m sure this time, they’ll magically start working at full capacity and solve all our problems.
In all seriousness, this fuel crisis is just another symptom of a system that’s been failing for far too long. We’ve deregulated, we’ve regulated, we’ve created agencies upon agencies, and yet here we are – still queuing for fuel, still paying through the nose.
We don’t need more meetings. We need action. We need a complete overhaul of our energy sector. We need transparency, accountability, and most importantly, we need results. We’ve been through this before, and we’ll get through it again.
In the meantime, I’ll be here, watching this tragicomedy unfold, hoping against hope that someday we can actually solve these fuel crisis problems instead of just talking about them. But I won’t be holding my breath – I need to save my energy for the next.
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